What's Codependence Got To Do With Overeating?

Plenty as it turns out…. We have been talking about this quite a bit. One of my members is having some powerful insights as they relate to her family and patterns of binge-eating. I love when somebody really gets a big “aha” moment, and their whole perspective changes. Hope you enjoy this article too.

My writing time starts around 5 am.  This is my most cherished time of day. I feel the most connected to my inner spirit, and am able to consider my life from a thoughtful and calm perspective, as I drink my coffee and look out the window onto our beautiful property. I feel so blessed to be here every day.

I took last weekend completely off from doing any work- it was not easy, as I have become super-compulsive about working these last few years, a sort of substitute for the eating compulsively that I did in the past.

The whole nature of addiction fascinates me daily- my own tendencies, and those of my clients. Each day I find myself thinking about various aspects of what I consider addiction, and many of these I share with you here and in  my weekly ezine.

TODAY’S ARTICLE: What’s Codependence Got to Do With Overeating?

I was having a long telephone chat from my sunny office with a relatively new friend the other day. We were talking about husbands, kids, families and such. As each of us aired our minor complaints for the day, she said something that really got my attention, and that I have been thinking about since.

She said, “I am convinced that all addictive behavior leads back to codependence”. Codependence, defined fairly loosely here, is about our focusing more on others’ behavior than on our own- driven by a belief that if we can just change the other person, we will feel better and life will go more smoothly.

Most women I know that overeat, have this tendency. Over-nurturing others and the tendency to care-take, trying to impose our wills on others, goes hand in hand with overeating. However this pattern began, you may recognize yourself here (even though it’s hard to acknowledge or admit-it will help just to name it).

Codependence is really about not feeling safe around other people unless you are able to control them. Or even if you are not actually trying to control them, you may notice that your thoughts and beliefs center on the relationship between somebody making certain changes= your life getting better.

Does any of this light up for you? If it does, don’t worry, we are all in this together. As with anything, just naming this for yourself is helpful- bringing any pattern into consciousness lets it come into the light, be seen, and presents you with more choices.

Choice is always a good thing!

The most important piece to understand here, is that codependence stems from fear or issues around emotional safety and security. At some point, probably very early on, somebody close to you may have behaved in ways that made you feel less than safe. Maybe it was hard to be a carefree kid, because there was a lot of stuff going on in the house, and in order to feel safe you kept a close watch on things.

As with all core wounds from our childhood, it’s good to remember that while as a small child you really did not have much say in things, as an adult you are in a different place. Your safety and security are not dependent on others’ behaviors to that degree any longer- that’s the big difference between then and now.

Shifting from codependent relationships to healthy ones requires that you notice when you are focusing on somebody else’s behaviors or choices, and pull back your energy to focus on your self.

That’s it- simple, but not easy.

Most of this goes on in our heads- we think about other people’s behaviors and choices, ruminate how this will all impact us, figure out what we can do to change it, and find ourselves overeating as we realize we have absolutely no power to change others.

That’s the bottom line, and the quicker you can accept it, the happier you will become. And the easier it will be to stop turning to food when you feel frustrated, resentful, or afraid.

This is a truth that we all learn one way or another- when you learn to focus on making your own life as happy as possible each day, instead of trying to maneuver others into making you happy with their behavior, you will be truly free to live your highest and best life.

I wish that for you-
Wishing you love and every blessing,

xox

Lisa
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