I wrote this article for my newsletter subscribers last week and got a flurry of emails in response- I guess I should have expected this but was a bit surprised. Many people loved the suggestions, others also felt that Oprah needed to find a new tack to her relationships with food and weight. I also got a letter from another therapist criticizing me for being hard on Oprah, feeling that my writing was not respectful to Oprah. Those who know me, understand that this would never be my intention, and that as somebody who has recovered from my own eating disorder, I try to be very sensitive to my “Tribe”. Anyways… see what comes up for you.
Why I Worry About OprahPeople routinely ask me if I think that I could “help” Oprah- truthfully I am flattered to be asked and the answer is yes, absolutely. It would be hard not to admire Oprah for her incredible contributions to the consciousness of women in our country and beyond. She has done vast amounts of good in ways that we all wish that we could. She steps into her power in so many ways, and uses it for the good of so many.
And then there is the weight issue.
Like most women who struggle with food, eating, and weight Oprah goes up and down. When I see her weight going up my heart truly breaks for her. Having her vulnerabilities and shame and powerlessness on parade for millions to see and speculate about.
When the media buzz about Oprah’s “coming clean” about her weight recently went down, the big sound-bite from her was “How did I let this happen again?”
Having heard the same from hundreds of women over the years, it’s not much of a mystery to me. When people gain weight there are a few things going on, some of which Oprah has herself acknowledged. These are a few things that often contribute to weight gain and out of control eating:
- A life out of whack- too much work, not enough down-time means you’re out of balance and may turn to addictive patterns to self-soothe.
- Giving too much of yourself to others creates a major drain energetically, which if you are an overeater you will fill up with food.
- Whatever causes you to feel helpless, powerless, or overwhelmed whereby you may respond with “f— it” and throw in the proverbial towel. Oprah admits using her thyroid diagnosis as an excuse to throw her self-care routines down the tubes.
- Some major denial around your vulnerability to food and eating. If you have struggled with food and weight for any period of time, you will pretty much need to make peace with your physical chemistry. It’s likely that certain foods and ways of eating can truly be addictive for you. It can be quite painful to accept that you will never be like “normal eaters” and lack of acceptance means you will keep falling down the same hole over and over again.
- Not asking for enough help or support. Overeating tends to go hand in hand with “I have to do it all myself”, which can also be a form of perfectionism. You have to let some stuff go, and let others know you need support. There is no shame in this. Weight gain often thrives in isolation.
- Perfectionism- you may not see yourself as suffering from this, but I bet you do. It has to do with the deprivation mindset that everything has to be good enough so that you can feel good enough. Most perfectionists think they aren’t “perfect” enough to be perfectionists! Enough said…
- The deprivation mentality- this is a big one. Women who do too much and give too much often compensate for feeling they are “not enough”. And food easily becomes a way to fill up and try to create a sense of “enough”. It doesn’t work-it only perpetuates the horrible self-loathing of the original fear of not being good enough. You need to shatter the illusion of food as love. True love, the kind that can heal you from a life of misery around food and weight, will come from honoring your body and your spirit, in whatever ways are uniquely right for you. Overeating doesn’t work- you owe it to yourself to figure something else out or risk feeling like Oprah and wondering “how did this happen to me again”, after feeling like you had it together.
I watched Oprah this week talk about her weight gain over the last year. I thought she was insightful and honest in a lovely way. But when her solution mostly involved penciling in her daily workout and a manicure, I sighed.
I would have said “Hold on there Oprah- how about not launching your new television network, or cutting down on shows, or maybe letting somebody else go through the monthly cover shoots for the magazine” or things like that.
Who can blame Oprah for overeating (she said her new thing was those organic blue corn chips- crunchy and salty)? She must be exhausted, over-stimulated and who knows what else?
I am all for daily workouts (you know they are part of my rituals of staying grounded, and clearing out major energy) but it’s not enough, not for Oprah and not for you.
It’s never about the eating and the weight really. It’s about overhauling all of the ways driving you to the point of saying “f—” it when your life and relationships and work and everything are seriously out of whack.
You have to take real time for your self and you have to learn to negotiate relationships and boundaries in new and initially difficult ways.
You have to get comfortable with putting on your own oxygen mask first, and maybe with being called “selfish” by people who don’t like it. You have to forget about people-pleasing, caretaking and ass-kissing (sorry).
You have to stop taking so much responsibility for everyone’s wellbeing and trust that they have intuitive guidance and a path of their own and let them follow it.
Oh losing weight and making peace with food is NOT for the faint of heart, not for those who can’t handle discomfort or fear or loneliness or other uncomfortable emotions.
I fondly call it “The Big Cleanup”. And it really is. It’s the biggest and challenging but exhilarating way you will ever challenge yourself.
I know the journey well, have taken it and led many others along the familiar trail. It’s thrilling to watch my brave and beautiful clients take their firewalk (yes it is definitely this).
You know I would be honored to walk it with you, and if you know Oprah, tell her I would love to help her too.
Wishing you great love and every blessing-
xox
Lisa Claudia Briggs,
Intuitive, Psychotherapist, Consultant and Author
PS- We’ve begun our monthly teleclass, for my Sanctuary members. Our class focused completely on how to stop out of control eating, comfortably, organically, and of course intuitively. We will meet the first Thursday of each month at 7 pm so that I can provide you with cutting-edge solutions plus the connection to your intuitive wisdom and inspiration that are part of your Intuitive Body.
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