Those who can’t do teach…there are times when I really feel like I have way too much to learn way too much of the time. Tiny example but still made a huge impression on me. So Sunday mornings I love to go to yoga. I go because I love the particular teacher who teaches this early class, his energy and practice and music soothe and calm me… no small task to quiet this buzzing-brain of mine. And I’ve struggled to get there the last couple of weeks. Last night before bed, I VOWED to myself that nothing would stop me from getting out the door nice and early to be there. I knew I needed yoga more than anything else I could possibly do at that time. So this morning, the gloomiest morning ever (yes I love to exaggerate, it amuses me but it’s also a dangerous practice, too much drama too much spectacle) in the pouring rain, I reluctantly trudged (meaning drove in my car) to class. I love getting there early, to soak up the peace even before the “real” peace begins…and was just a little annoyed to find the door locked and nobody there. And I waited, and still nothing.
A few others arrived and we waited in our cars at which point I am starting to think that I made a mistake and the noise in my head began to chatter away. The person that showed up with the key was not “my” teacher…had never seen her before and she was chattering and kind of noisy and had dropped her keys and my expectations for entering into the little sanctuary of peace that I was craving, anticipating, mildly desperate for…poof.
I am fairly good at noticing my thoughts, observing the various nonsense that moves in and out and I watched myself struggle with wanting to leave. With wanting my “real” teacher to be there. Wanting the room and environment to be what I expected. Watched my (ok I know this isn’t flattering..) entitled thoughts march through my brain as I found reasons to not like the class before it had even begun, and create a very UN-peaceful experience.. for myself, by my own hand (brain)…like listening to a car engine revving itself and going nowhere..
Thankfully, and at this moment with total blissful gratitude, I stuck around. Got my judgment and ridiculous expectations out of the way and let myself be there. And being there was so wonderful. My body and my mind and my heart so much needed what this particular teacher brought. At one point, she even put her hand down the back of my shirt to anoint me with a mix of eucalyptus/lemongrass/aloe essential oils because she’d noticed I was holding a lot of tension on my right side.
I loved her voice. I loved how long she challenged us to stay in the pigeon pose, and that I was able to hang out there. I loved how incredibly flexible my hips felt after class. And how every trace of every kind of tension had disappeared and been replaced with…. happiness. Peace. Relaxation.
There are so many ways we have of depriving ourselves. So many ways our thoughts hijack us into crazy… into unnecessary little dramas of our own creation.. into being unable to receive what is right there… right that second.
I am so so happy that something a little higher than my original impressions prevailed on me to hang around and enjoy the beautiful class with this new teacher.
Love the one you’re with, love what is. Get out of your own way. You know the drill.
With big love from my imperfect self to yours…