I have a dear friend, the kind with whom I talk about the really big stuff. We have known each other since we were 18 and so have been through countless life events together. So many moments of beauty and joy and wonder. And so many wrenching losses.Between the two of us, pretty much every big event you could name.
And truth be told (and I am somebody who only wants to tell what is true, because really what’s the point if it’s not?!), some of the pain has been by our own hand. And over coffee, or wine, or on our mats in a yoga class, we have laughed and mused about “how come us… why can’t we just let it all be?”.
I think I have always been somebody who wanted to see clearly, and for the most part have been able to.
And once I have seen something, I can’t un-see it. This has led to making changes that I’ve wished I didn’t have to put myself through at the time.
At certain junctures I knew I had to go, or had to let go of what was. I had to leave something or someone behind even when I didn’t feel completely ready or sure and even when the grief over the loss still knocked me to my knees.
Because the Big Clean-Up was already underway. And it was shaking up everything in its path. Nothing stayed the same. And the more I tried to hold on, the more I tried to keep things the same, the more I suffered.
If you’re wise, you’ll let the Big Clean-Ups have their way. They have something in mind for you that we don’t usually feel ready for, but need.
Sometimes I didn’t recognize what was left. And I walked around for a bit feeling ungrounded, disoriented, and sometimes filled with grief.
At other times, I was filled with inspiration by the clean canvas and had a blast renewing and refilling with the fresh and new.
Right now I am coming out of a gigantic Big Clean-Up. And I feel good about how I have handled parts of it. Other aspects were much harder and took more time. Tears were shed. Friends were called on to help me see it with more faith and trust than my own eyes could.
And even though it’s taken a lot of energy and heart to acclimate to so much change, I made even more changes…while I was at it. Sort of funny. Since I was in the midst of it anyways, I was able to release even more and to really clean out the crevices.
I am coming out the other side. And there is relief here. I have really felt the shift the last 2 weeks. I feel peaceful and happy, and relatively settled. I feel part of many new things and am actually kind of surprised at what has sprung up in terms of community in only 8 months.
I often remind myself of the words of my beloved teacher Caroline Myss when she talks about the characteristics of those who heal the most quickly. She has stated that those with the capacity to heal from major events are the ones who are able to come into present-time the most fully and quickly. No looking back, or comparing to what was. Or what you had, or who you were then. It’s all about being right here right now and loving it all.
I am now seeing the beauty of the intention to be with what is, even though that is not my nature.
I walked through our new town this morning in the bright spring sunshine. The lilacs everywhere. The beautiful river outside the window of the yoga class I was in. All of the new women I had met. Various social invitations for me individually, and Andy and I as a couple. The smoothie after yoga. Walking down my street to get my little clock fixed. Everything I needed mostly, right here.
You can trust the Big Clean-Ups.
They know your destination even when you don’t. They know how to sort it all out, and what needs to go, and what can stay. Even when it feels like it may break your heart, maybe it’s just breaking your heart a bit more wide-open. Allowing you to expand in ways you didn’t know you could, and didn’t know you needed.
These are changing times. Most people I know are going through some form of a Big Clean-Up. It seems to be a requirement of shifting into a new consciousness. What I know for sure is fear makes it worse and trust and letting things be easy, easier.
I want that for you.
With much love from my heart to yours….