However you have found your way to Intuitive Body, I am truly glad that you are here.Slowly we are adding more information to the new Intuitive Body website ,and I am trying to be patient with myself as I move beyond my comfort-zone in my main role as “mentor” and therapist, and into the NEW roles of writer and internet marketer- It’s been like having 2 additional new jobs, fascinating and also a bit frightening. New territory often stirs up old insecurities, and for me, an ongoing struggle with perfectionism! Part of the holdup has been my ongoing re-writes, wanting things to be a certain way for anyone stopping by.
Perfectionism is a topic that you will hear me talk about a lot in future articles and blog posts. Not right now though.
Today is Saturday, December 30th. It is cold and gray here in Harvard, Massachusetts, where I live in an 1800’s farmhouse with its own attached barn. We are surrounded on 3 side by trees, 2 magnificent old willow trees (our property is Blue Willow Farm) and evergreens, crabapples, ancient grapevines, and other tall and magnificent trees. I live here with my husband, my sons Luke and NIcky, 14 and 12, respectively, and our 5 small terriers. I am blessed to be a work-from-home mother.
As we move in to the New Year, this is a great time to take stock and make room for a tradition that I have found really useful and that my clients have enjoyed over the years. Before January 1st, or not too soon afterwards, it is a good time to find time to reflect-the most powerful way to do this is in writing. I like to write about what I am saying “goodbye” to in 2006- this can be about almost anything. I usually focus on what I am choosing to leave behind, pieces that no longer serve me emotionally or spiritually.
Sometimes we notice particular themes that have been dominant, that we want to release. For example,in pulling this website together, I have been shocked at the level of perfectionism dogging me. It has made everything much harder than it needed to be, and at times robbed me of the fun and satisfaction that usually characterizes my creative endeavors. Perfectionism has been like the rude guest at the party! And I have seen Perfectionism hanging around me in other places as well-like when I decided it would be a good idea to totally repaint our dining room the week before hosting my first BIG Thanksgiving family free-for-all. Truthfully, having my new husband’s entire family in addition to my own, would have provided enough stimulation and challenge all in itself. But adding the job of painting the entire room a new and slightly controversial shade of green , well let’s just say I am grateful that Andy and the boys still act like they love me-To have blue painting tape still around all the windows and moldings and beams 2 days before entertaining, with paint and brushes still littering our newsprint covered dining room table- well, clearly it was not the most sane way to approach large scale entertaining!!! So part of what I wish to say goodbye to in 2006, is perfectionism.FOR THE RECORD,in treating close to one thousand women with eating disorders, I have seen that perfectionism is a commonality shared by most of us.
In writing about what you will leave behind in 2006, you may also choose to detach from relationships that no longer fit who you are becoming, or wish to become. If there are people in your life whom you feel constantly DRAIN your energies, make you feel LESS THAN or not good enough, or treat you poorly in other ways, you might consider whether you want to bring them into the New Year with you.
We don’t always give ourselves the right to protect ourselves from what makes us feel badly. Most women with eating addictions have experienced some form of emotional abuse or lack of secure and safe attachments- there is a continuum of these , but for me, the measure is about HOW DO I FEEL when around various individuals. It is a step towards healing and self-love to limit those whom we connect with. Ask yourself honestly how you feel around different friends,acquaintances, family members. You may not be able or choose to literally eliminate these people from your life but you might modify the ways in which you allow them in your life.
If you have an eating disorder or other addiction, you may be highly sensitive (my belief based on personal and professional experiences)to other peoples’ energies differently from most people. I will talk in the future about how protecting ourselves “energetically” is a huge component of recovery and healing. The point is, if you feel that you are tolerating relationships and behavior that continually tank your moods or wellbeing or self-esteem, good self-care says it makes sense to reconsider these relationships. At least consider some ways that you might create more safety and space for yourself. Baby steps are powerful!!!!
The next part of this writing assignment is to choose what you want to invite in for the new year. What would you like more of, what kind of relationships, experiences, feelings do you want to receive ? Focusing on what is wanted,and naming it starts the process of ATTRACTION. Metaphysical law says that “energy follows thought”- this is the basis for the Law of Attraction that you have probably been hearing about lately. I am a big believer in that what we give our attention to is what we create. So as you are able to begin to focus on what you DO want, you create those pieces-become discerning about what you give your attention to. As you give more “air time” to what you want more of, than what you don’t, you will notice a shift in how you manifest or create in life. This is fun to play with-let yourself play with the possibilities. Dream big enough that it FEELS good when you think about it.
When writing about intentions, wishes and dreams, I have been taught that manifestation comes most easily when it is written in the present tense, as if it has already come to us. When I write I give thanks and find the feeling place of what it
will be like to actually HAVE what I am wanting.
Before doing this kind of writing, it is helpful to make room for it energetically. Close your eyes, and settle into your breathing, easily without trying to change anything. Let yourself relax any place in your body that feels tense or tight. Now allow yourself to imagine how you would like to FEEL in the coming year. Imagine being in the situations that would create these feelings for you. Let yourself imagine all of the ways in which you want to feel good- see yourself in your mind’s eye enjoying situations, people, places, anything that lets you actually feel the positive feelings you are aiming for. The longer you can stay in the good feelings in this meditative state, the better. Remember, metaphysics says you get what you think about, so enjoy. Add as many details as you can- see yourself, what are you wearing, notice the expression on your face, fill in as many sensory details as possible, as this really “amps up” the vision into manifesting. This is meant to feel good- but
it also takes practice. I PROMISE I will teach you much more about all of this in further posts.
When you finish the relaxation and imagination piece, it is time to write. While you are still in the feeling place of all of those good images and sensations, let them guide you to what you want to create this year. Doing this allows us to begin the process of creating our lives, the way we want them to be, reclaiming our power, and getting very clear on where we want to be. Play with this, and let me know what happens. I would love to hear about your observations and experiences as you try any of these pieces. For now, try only that which “calls” to you. This is not meant to feel like work. My experience and that of my clients, is that these exercises can feel very very good. But as with anything, do what feels right to you at your own pace. There are no “shoulds” and many of us already have that perfectionism-thing going!!
Finally- I would like to thank you for your interest in my work.What you find here represents more than 20 years of following my passion around helping women with eating and body issues. It is my deep wish that INTUITIVEBODY.COM will provide support and ideas for you on your journey. I am really excited to have a place to teach and connect from, and always encourage you to write to me and let me know what works for you, what does not, and any ideas you have for how I can best address your interests and individual preferences. PLEASE ASK ME ANYTHING- I am delighted to hear from you, and am devoted to women and teenaged girls who want to feel better in their bodies.
Sending you love and blessings, and wishing you all good things in 2007-