Lessons From My Time On The Cardiac Unit

Lessons From My Time On The Cardiac Unit

This is the kind of thing that one feels very pressured to write a blog post about.. pressure to find meaning and insight from the big scary challenges that many of us are going through.. sometimes with way too much frequency. So you can deduce from the title above that I was in the hospital.. on the cardiac unit.. Honestly.. just trying to digest that fact was a challenge for me. Have always considered myself super healthy and the “Queen of Self-Care”.. what the hell?!

Will tell you quickly what happened. Was at my primary care physician’s office Wednesday morning to check out some very new symptoms.. a little shortness of breath, some mild occasional lightheadedness, and trouble catching my breath and breathing fully at night in bed. Nothing too scary…no nausea, fever, vomiting, etc.

My doctor took my pulse, which was down in the 30’s (normal is between 60-100), and put me in an ambulance to the Emergency Room for testing. I couldn’t help feeling very glad I had washed my hair that morning, shaved my legs, and had a pedicure within the last week given that hospital johnies are not a very good look for anyone. Millions of questions and several tests later they admitted me.

Before I try to come up with some insights about the whole experience can I just tell you that I was by FAR the youngest patient on the unit. Those nurses were so happy to have me just for a break in the action. I loved most of those nurses and their assistants…except for when they were waking me up every couple of hours to take blood pressure, or when they were waking me up with a needle in my vein at 6 am. Seriously.. the cardiac unit is no place to get any kind of rest. It’s the most ridiculously noisy annoying place ever. Beeping and buzzing and humming and ringing.. you could lose your mind and end up on the psychiatric unit it’s so annoying.

From very deep fear and a sense of unreality and disbelief all the way to gratitude and relief is an amazing trip. I was released after 3 days and some pretty in-depth testing and cried when the very wonderful cardiologist told me there were no blockages in my heart, and that I only had a mild electrical glitsch.. an extra heartbeat arrhythmia and that I could exercise and do everything pretty much as normal with a little beta-blocker to medicate the heart rate thing.

Here are some things that really moved me after the experience:

1. Don’t take anything for granted. Yes, it may sound trite but it’s true that everything can change in an instant. It’s a big deal to go from believing you are completely well.. to thinking you could die. Seriously mind-blowing shift in world view. Humbling, terrifying, and it shakes you to your core.

2. You do indeed find out who loves you, who your true friends are, whom you can count on, and it makes life very sweet. I was so grateful for my friends and family, my God, I really was. In those moments of everything spinning out, I felt so held, so blanketed in love and care and concern. It reminded me how fundamentally good most people are.

3. Nothing is worth losing your health and equilibrium over.. really, nothing. It’s been a mind-blowing year of changes, most of them have shaken me to my core. Unfortunately it was not surprising to me that the stress landed in my body in some form. I am very lucky that it was a relatively minor blip versus a bigger, louder message. I had been ignoring some of the impact of various events on my mind and body and of course this puts things in perspective quickly when you’re hooked up to monitors and your heart beat has lost some of its vitality. I got so swept up into the cycle of overreactivity.. my body was in constant fight-or-flight this year and I was truly depleted. I felt in some ways “hijacked” by the internet while marketing my business and more and more felt less like myself- who really likes living in the physical world and in my senses more than anything virtual. Note to self.. dance more, get outside more, cook and garden more.. return to old ways of being happy and filled up.. now.

And then there are the funny little gains that come from a crisis. The big one that lights up for me is about taking supplements. I’ve always liked taking vitamins, pills, powders… I once heard addictive personalities really like to “take things”.. okay, it fit. I was taking a mighty daily cocktail of amino acids for mood and brain balance, and a few things to smooth me out at bedtime.. nothing crazy.. things that my favorite holistic medical gurus recommend all the time.

But the Chinese healer I see regularly is adamant about no supplements. He believes them to be very dangerous and actually life-threatening. While getting evaluated by my medical team inpatient, the big suspected causal agent for the heart related symptoms were… supplements. They took me off everything, in one fell swoop. Done. Off the counter.. out of my system. Part of me is so relieved.. I trust and believe Tom Tam about our bodies and health but I was afraid to go off the various pills and powders, afraid I wouldn’t feel as well. And now magically, I am off, and able to feel more aligned with the guidance Tom offers me. Funny how the Universe or God will so often bring about events that bring us back into balance. I love that perspective.

So I have been home for a week. I am not quite back in the swing of things but am finding my way. I still have fears that my heart or body may not be as strong as I thought prior to all of this, and sometimes a little twinge or pain triggers fear in me. I do feel a bit more vulnerable. On the other hand, I got a total update progress report on my health and came away with pretty good news- no heart blockages, no infections of markers of any disease.. that’s good, that’s reassuring. And, I am thinking more deeply about what’s “good for me”. This is one of those taking stock times. What do I want to keep, and what’s going to go? So often external events get us to take a closer look at everything and create a life with more meaning.

I wish you great health and great peace this holiday season, love what you have and appreciate all of it as best you can.

With love from my heart to yours,