Betrayals- A Sacred Contract?
Love me or hate me are both in my favor. If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind. ~Shakespeare
Just the word ‘betrayal’… we all know the agony, the humiliation, the ways in which any kind of betrayal challenges our ability to find anything left to love in ourselves.
In my work with men and women, a story of betrayal is often part of the mix. Those experiences lie in wait, haunting us in the moments of uncertainty, or at moments when we are ready to take a personal risk to move forward. They color our relationships from a deep and not always accessible place. They change who we are in profound ways.
Negotiating these crises calls on us to go higher. And that’s where the great big huge shifts find us.
We are called on to release the memories, the beliefs, and the energy of the betrayal that lives in our bodies, most often as shame or self-hate. There is so much deep pain that we are moved to evolve and become more of our true self.
The most painful thing about…everything… is that we take it personally. We interpret all sorts of external events as reflections of our worth. So when I heard an impersonal view of betrayal from my teacher Caroline Myss, I was fascinated.
Caroline talked about betrayal as a predetermined “sacred contract” experience. That our individual lifetime is programmed to have specific betrayals and that at least one will be by a partner. These wrenching experiences are part of our path.
It’s not personal in that it’s universal. As gutting as every individual betrayal may be, we share the experience. I love symbolic sight-that’s where relief lives, when you can look at your life and understand that everything put there is meant to help you come into a kind of balance.
If you can see through that lens, everything changes. You can avoid the suffering that comes when we get stuck in our Victim archetype that takes absolutely everything personally and feels helpless to change it.
Betrayals more than almost anything will keep you up at night, will poison the most benign moments, and have the capacity to eat away at your ability to love your self and to trust or feel safe. That’s too big a price to pay for somebody else’s actions.
Here are a few things you can do, right away to help loosen the grip and potentially release you. I want that for us.
***And remember, you need to be willing to let go.
Too often we hold tight to the pain and the perceptions and belief that keep it alive. For many reasons- we don’t want to heal b/c then they will “win”, or we can also be so identified with our Victim consciousness that we get stuck there. If you’re feeling particularly stuck, before you try to release, ask yourself via a journal what you get by holding on, and what beliefs you’d need to give up to move into true healing and relief.
Ok…try these to get some relief~
1. Come into stillness. Quiet your mind by focusing on your breath. Long slow deep inhalations in and out. Put your hand on your heart and ask for divine healing energy to move through your hand… this is your own laying on of hands. See peace and healing as a color, imagine your cells and tissues becoming infused with healing light. Stay in this as long as you wish.
2. Again, coming into quiet and stillness. Tune into your body and notice where the pain is in your physical body. Where are the sensations? Throat? Chest? Gut? Low back? Just notice, in as much detail what sensations are there. Not emotions, but what are the physical sensations?
With eyes closed, use your hands to “gather up” the energy of the pain, the physical and the emotional… trust your hands to know what to do, there isn’t a right way. Feel into your IntuitiveBody and gather it up to about face level, and then release. Done in a kind of rhythmic way this can feel very soothing and peaceful…gather and release.
3. Use this mantra: I forgive you, I release you, and only good comes from this relationship. Repeat every single time your brain wants to spiral into thoughts and remembering of the pain.
Interrupt the neural network re-firing and instead pair the pain with this mantra, and build new healing connections in your mind and body. You will feel better. And as I always say, I want that for you.
Something new, something powerful and gorgeous for you now~Feeling unable to move forward due to a betrayal or some other experience that’s “running” you? There are many powerful ways to get unstuck- including rewiring your neural network, and some things that feel down-deep good. Things that bring you home to your true nature, once it’s not all gunked over with past fear memories.
I’m offering personal gorgeous luxe retreats….online or here in Newport, the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived. Customized one day experiences for you to move everything out that doesn’t belong to you. Leaving you lighter, happier, clear on who you are and what is yours to create. One day… or two. These are customized and priced accordingly. Online is less expensive.
Interested? Drop me a note or just reply to this email and we’ll talk.