Do you see yourself as an empath or a sensitive? Most of my clients don’t.. initially.
Until I ask them a few questions. One of the things I ask is if they can walk into a room and immediately sense who in that room is emotionally vulnerable, or struggling. If their radar lights up and “picks up” those people right away in a way that gets their attention.
The answer is usually an emphatic ‘yes”.
If this is you, you’ll feel things deeply in general And you’re attuned particularly well to the emotional energy of others. It can be strangers, old and young, and you’re of course most impacted by the relationships that you are closest to. Parents, siblings, close friends, partners, your boss and coworkers, and even your pets.
Because your own energy system is so “open” (there are lots of reasons for this.. will explain in another post) you you may already have found coping strategies to try to create some buffers..because feeling this much is not particularly comfortable. Which is partly why you may not necessarily be aware of your empathic nature.. because you’ve already found ways to turn-off or dull down the degree of how much of everyone’s energies you absorb.
I believe a lot of addictive patterns show up as ways to quiet the “noise” of having such good radar. It can be eating behaviors, or others.. The goal is to ward off the intensity of taking on the weight of the world.
There are many gifts that come with being this sensitive, for sure. But one of the major drawbacks is the wear and tear for you around relationships. You need a whole different set of skills, a different way to create boundaries, and comfortable ways to figure out who to let in and who not to..day in and day out.
Relationship dilemmas and questions are ultimately one of the places I support clients most.
When you pick up others’ emotional energy easily.. it can be harder to create the space for yourself that you need. Harder to say no. Harder to be clear about what you do and don’t want. Or even who you do and don’t want. The dynamics between you and others can feel overwhelming.. you may not have thought much about this, but if you’ve ever struggled with eating/body-dissatisfaction/painful patterns that are running you.. you may be struggling with empathy overload.
My teacher Sharon used to always tell us not only to “get back in your body”, but to always make sure that we weren’t energetically “in” other peoples’ energetic bodies and that they weren’t in ours. You want your own emotional energies and your energetic boundaries to be clean and clear so that you can give in ways that feel right for you. To give to others in ways that you choose and that are authentic. Not because you feel guilty, or coerced, or because you are “taking on” their emotional stuff.
This is tricky business. And something I really love to help you with. As an empath/sensitive myself, and having spent lots of time learning and training and practicing, I love working with women who find themselves with these challenges. Negotiating relationships comfortably and from a clean and clear place is invaluable and makes a huge difference in every area in our life.
I want that for you.
Helen says
I want that for me too! Thank you for writing about this, this is me to a T!
I’ve had to learn many techniques over the years to set up the right amount of protection. It’s so overwhelming in personal relationships, because you end up feeling two sets of emotions and sometimes its hard to tell which are yours & which ones belong to the other person! I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a challenge for me even now aged 34.
Thank you for the reminder & making me feel more sane – glad to know it’s not just me!
Lisa says
Hi Helen.. lots of us out there and definitely women with amazing gifts and talents (and big hearts).. and the challenges are of course as you mention, deciphering what you’re feeling, if it’s “yours”, and how to return to center, get clear again. I think it’s an ongoing challenge but not necessarily an unpleasant one, once you have identified who you are and what you need, and how to tend your particular nature..You’re a wise woman, and will continue to evolve with all of it and teach it as you do… Love to you, Lisa
Karen Ribeiro says
Beautiful post Lisa! Just this morning I read an old journal entry about being such an empathic person (a great practice for gauging how much progress made over time). One thing I’m so grateful for lately is the awareness that we all have such capacity for being sensitive and empathetic and when we approach others from that perspective it’s like gifting them the space to embrace their own empathy and sensitivity! Great reflection!
Lisa says
Hi Karen…yes, agree that we all have capacity for empath/sensitive attunement but believe some are more “open” energetically than others.. sometimes from trauma, or other early history, sometimes from other circumstances. And yes.. agree with your last point.. Love and blessings.. Lisa
Teresa Deak says
Great, points, Lisa! And it’s true, I spend a lot of time with the “cloak of insensitivity” engaged when I’m around a lot of people.
Now that I’m moving more into the realm of helping and healing, my cloak needs just the right tears in just the right places. How lovely to know there are ways to do this! Yay!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Lisa says
Teresa.. great metaphors re the cloak and having tears in the fabric of it all…being able to move in and out of empathic attunement and connection in a deliberate way is especially key.. choosing when to connect at that level and then when to pull our energies in.. part of what I try to teach my clients. With Love ..Lisa
Jacqueline Fairbrass says
Loving this Lisa. I wholeheartedly agree with you. As a specialist working with anxiety I’ve found that so many ‘anxiety sufferers’ are highly intuitive and sensitive to others’ moods and energies. And then the self-medication in one way or another can be the only way to cope.
Your process of bringing the awareness and learning to turn it on and off is fabulous.
Thank you for sharing. xox
Lisa says
Jacqueline.. yes.. agree that those w/ anxiety and other mood issues are often empaths and aren’t even feeling their own emotion but picking up what’s around them.. and don’t know it, AND as we both said, need good coping skills and support to create the ones that work specifically for them. Thanks for your comment.. Love to you.. lisa
Helen says
Jacqueline has the unenviable task of being my life coach. I can be Ms Super-Sensitive-Anxiety-Central!
I do know how to turn it on & off but the main difficulty for me is knowing when to do it. If you’re really used to feeling other people’s emotions, you don’t always realise that they’re not yours. Articles like this are a great reminder.
I need like a sensor with flashing lights and an alarm or something! Lisa can you develop one please?
😀
Lisa says
Helen… this has me smiling.. first, because I suspect Jacqueline would heartily disagree..second because I’m picturing your crown and title sash with “Ms Super Sensitive, etc etc” across a gown…but seriously ..I’m not sure anyone catches these things every time, I definitely don’t, not even close. It’s why having certain go to-rituals and ongoing ways of staying grounded are more essential than not.. prevention is always easier.
I wish I was the Nutty Professor type.. would cobble something together for us with lights, bells, whistles.. that looked like gorgeous jewelry or something…
In the meantime.. love to you… Lisa
Jennifer says
I’ve been aware of my tendency for years and I’ve found it has been a great blessing just as well as a curse. It all depends on being conscious of it and how I use it. I’ll think I’ve got it all figured out and then WHAM! I feel like I’m right back where I started. But luckily I am getting quicker at picking up on it sooner rather than later and have found a few coping mechanism to help. Love your blog and what you do – I’m so glad that you are out there.
Lisa says
Hi Jennifer.. yes.. I think that’s such a good point about picking up on this sooner.. that’s all we can do is begin the noticing and pivoting into other patterns that support us.. the more we are conscious of which situations in particular make us most vulnerable to taking it all on.. the easier it is also.. can be prepared before even walking into those settings and “set the energy” in ways that really help. Glad you are out there.. thanks so much for the comment.. Love, lisa
Chrisite says
Always love your post Lisa. Learning so much about myself from you.
Lisa says
Christie.. that’s such a lovely compliment, thank you for that.. Love and blessings.. Lisa
Tracey Ceurvels says
“You want your own emotional energies and your energetic boundaries to be clean and clear so that you can give in ways that feel right for you.” This is something I’ve been dealing with in some close relationships and it can be a challenge. I don’t quite have it with strangers, so I don’t think I am too sensitive (though I am not sure.) Thank you for spelling it out so clearly. I always love and appreciate your posts.
Lisa says
Hi Tracey… thank you for that and it’s true.. you may “take on” more with relationships you’re more invested with or that you’re in closer physical proximity to day in and out….you may have a better filter for the rest..just for the “fun” of it… start to notice what happens now when you’re out and about, in crowds, or just around others and see if you feel any differences…
Love to you.. Lisa
Jessica says
Yes! Like you said, I’d never have claimed myself “sensitive/empathic,” but I may have some of those tentencies….and I struggle with boundaries in relationships. I’ve learned so much from you already, and it continues….
Lisa says
Jessica.. It helps me to hear this kind of comment from you, thank you. It’s true, so many women don’t put themselves in this category, and yet. And of course like with most things, there’s a continuum, so you may have some of these tendencies in some situations and not others. Much love to you, Lisa
Deb Nicholson says
I love the new look website – so light, bright and spacious. As in – not too much going on to distract from your powerful words. I also love working with you. In fact I feel a lot more light, bright and spacious too!
Lisa says
Deb.. And I truly love our work together, as I hope you know. Happy you love the new look.. You were always a bright light and the new pieces that you’re bringing onboard are so exciting.. With much love to you.. Lisa
Inga says
I knew that I can sense other people’s emotions, sometimes I can’t be in the same room where people are arguing (even if they are complete strangers to me) but I didn’t know that there might be connection with “…The dynamics between you and others can feel overwhelming.. you may not have thought much about this, but if you’ve ever struggled with eating/body-dissatisfaction/painful patterns that are running you.. you may be struggling with empathy overload.”, I’ve started having weight issues when I entered a coaching profession, food for thoughts. Thanks, Lisa, and your new website looks very beautiful and radiates calmness.
Lisa says
Hi Inga.. so interesting about the weight issues coinciding with becoming a coach.. I’ve heard many similar stories of when people started to “take on” more of others’ feelings whether it was in the helping professions, or other contexts.. they saw themselves adding “weight”. Always a sign that we need to rebalance.. find ways to both nourish ourselves more, and clear the energies of others from our system when we are done performing our work or giving support. With love, Lisa