Written Sunday, October 29, 2017
I invite the writing in with these words and wait until the writing drops in…
I am listening, I am waiting.
Merge with the trees on the perimeter, drop into your tree center, the ancient heart of you and connect with all of the other hearts. Remember and allow the smell of the water, connect with it’s easy pace, watch the cloud find it’s way across this afternoon blue sky. Hold and feel into this moment of your perfect elemental balance.
Your Aquatic Nature is easy and in perfect flow, slow and easy. The River as you remember, knows it’s destination, there is no hurry. As you feel into this river of this land and of this man, you feel into all. You find the perfection and the beauty, you find the watery signs where emotion is right on the surface and you also feel into the depths. The traumas and the fears, the losses and the betrayals- of body and of other, not quite buried in the deep. And now rising to the surface as pain, as distance, as body trauma.
Put your foot in the river, there is clarity and beauty, there is buoyancy and changeability, there is holy water and baptism here.
Drink for your own depletion and do not fear a thirst that feels too great.
With your feet in the cool and gentle flow of the river you feel your Air element- barely perceptible the thoughts like small birds flitting in the almost bare branches. They come but you are not speaking this language of Air today.
Even as your feet touch into these waters and your senses remember, your emotional and psychic heart, your Earth is here too. The earth is soft and has been changed by its proximity to the water but it will hold you. As you find your balance, you find your ground and walk on the sun-warmed pine needles, a soft cushion for the hard packed dirt. Your steps are slow and steady you are held, safe, known.
And today you crave your Fire. Your Fire came to you in the deep awakening and rumbling back to life of a sexuality and feminine energy that had been extinguished, dormant, and quiet, uncertain… a result of too much Water, too much Air, your Fire has struggled the most of all your elements in recent years. The flame flickering for a few weeks to then ignite unexpectedly and hot hot, while trying to burn evenly amidst so much water and damp, so much Air and wind.
And as part of this watery immersion and amidst the bearing down of such watery Moon madness, there washed ashore your longest held fears of loss, of suffering, and of abandonment. How to be with the Ghosts of the Past, these men of your blood whom you so loved as they faded and fell.. taken and gone. And now learning to be in these moments, trying not to get carried off by an errant current, keeping your head above the swirl, letting go of the Shore as you’ve been taught all these years, trusting the pull that feels so seductive and of course so perilous.
The River is high, overflowing, and despite the calm of the flow there is activity and turbulence below. The water holding both patterns both ancestral lineages. Although you fear drowning, although you fear the gasping for air, for shore, for a hold.. you let go. You are swept into the currents and find your breath. You open your eyes and see what else there might be to see. The water in your eyes, a mix. There is the past and there is what is here, you love the water. You feel the lightness, you float a bit and watch the sky, you feel the Air soft and mild. You inhale and exhale and soften. The River will take you, whether you know it’s destination or not. Breathe in breathe out and soften and float. You are in the River now and the River knows.