You are very likely aware of any excess physical weight that is on your body, but are you also aware of the other kind of weight you may be “carrying” around? That kind of weight is less visible or tangible, but its effects on you are just as taxing.
This other kind of weight, is more about the things in your life that are causing you to feel drained, worn out, the pieces that make life seem fairly unmanageable. The relationships that seem to suck the life out of you, the excessive commitments that you made just to be “nice”, the things that you tolerate day in and day out, begin to feel like a kind of physical weight in themselves.
Extra weight of any kind feels terrible. But what can you do? You want to be a good friend, or a good employee, good neighbor, or wife or mother or…..AHHHHH, (remember that commercial where the overwrought mother yells “Calgon, take me away!”)?
Make a list of those things that you are simply “tolerating”. These would be things that tend to cost you too much in terms of draining your energy and your spirit. The friend who never stops complaining. The umpteenth volunteer position you said “yes” to, which is pushing you over the edge. Clothing that makes you feel really unattractive. These are all examples of “tolerations” that are making you feel terrible, and that are bringing down your quality of life.
Take a good hard look. This is not a place to be sentimental or make excuses. If you are trying to release an eating disorder, or excess weight, you must be absolutely brutal when it comes to cleaning out your life around other kinds of baggage.
Pick something relatively easy. Just for today, don’t pick up the phone when the chronic-complainer calls. Let the energy-vampires find somebody else today. Don’t settle for a terrible breakfast eaten in rush hour in the car. Make time to have something delicious before you head out, it’s worth getting up 20 minutes earlier. Or decide to say no, to anybody asking you for anything today. Most things are not urgent, and it would be a good thing to practice saying no- if you need a way to do this, just say “Thanks for thinking of me, I wish I could say yes but I really can’t today”. Say it nicely and with a smile, and nobody will think badly of you.
Getting rid of the weight of the world is a way of setting limits and boundaries around yourself, that protect you from feeling overwhelmed and then turning to food. It’s an essential practice.
Keep looking for ways to limit the people and situations that are adding “weight” to your life, and learn to stop people-pleasing. This is one of the BEST ways to find freedom from food addiction. Begin to learn to put yourself and your wellness first. An eating disorder is truly life-threatening, and at the very least, really impacts your quality of life. You can do this, and I am here to support you, if you have any questions (this might be the perfect time to schedule your complimentary consultation with me, an Illumination Round.. about 20 minutes via phone, you + me).
Wishing you peace and every blessing,
Nona Jordan | the Business Yogini says
Lisa! You have inspired me to re-commit to my weekly physical declutter ritual! Periodically I will spend 20 minutes per day for a few weeks cleaning out clutter hot spots in my home – I ALWAYS feel lighter after doing this for a few days. I am going to give some thought to other things that might be “weighing” me down. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!! xoxo
Lisa says
Nona- amazing how much clutter weighs us down, I am about to hit up the spring cleaning a little more thoroughly to lighten up my space and energy this week too! love to you- Lisa
Kelle Sparta says
This is such great advice, Lisa. I’ve been doing this practice periodically for years and it totally works. Thanks for the reminder – clearly it’s time to take another look. Heading off to do that now!
Lisa says
Thanks Kelle- Love hearing from people who already know the value of this practice! xox
amy zellmer says
LOVE this! It really hit home today too, because I am going thru some “stuff” and carrying it around with me. I recently had to let go of a dear friend because her negativity and drama was bringing me down. I am still trying to clear feelings of regret around that…… Thanks for the reminder and that it is SO important to let it go!!
Lisa says
Amy.. that’s sometimes the hardest part, the aftermath of the choices we make. But she also has choices in the ways she presents herself and interacts in relationships. It’s hard to let go sometimes.. but we often see that it quickly makes room for those who are a better fit for us and who can meet us where we want to cocreate more happily together. xox Lisa
Bri Saussy says
Lisa, another zinger! My little boy of joy just turned 1 and I still have some extra baby weight that I am carrying around. I noticed 3 weeks ago that when I made time in my schedule to do yoga 3x a week-no excuses, no apologies, no guilt-the weight started to melt off–coincidence? I think not…
Lisa says
Bri.. boy of joy.. so sweet, remember when mine were that small. Making room for yourself, as I know you know.. is always good for everyone. Bringing back the happy lighter energies to your family is a loving act.. no guilt necessary. Love, Lisa
Jessica says
Wow — such timing. I recently had to say goodbye to a friend that added so much extra weight to my life. It wasn’t easy, but I needed to let her carry her own burden, and I think we’ll both be better for it. And you’re so right — when you’re trying to get healthier (by either losing weight or breaking a disorder), there is absolutely no room for baggage.
Lisa says
Jessica.. glad this helped. Some of us are really good at giving and have to be extra careful to keep our balance. It’s ok to give when you know somebody needs it and will use it. .but somebody who consistently drains us and doesn’t do much to move forward becomes too burdensome..cutting somebody loose sometimes is a powerful message. Love and blessings, Lisa
Stephanie says
Saying “No!” What a concept?! It’s sad that it’s so hard sometimes. I have started making lists and then prioritizing them, always putting the things that are most important to me at the top. Sounds selfish, but once I do that, I do things for others with so much more joy and energy.
Lisa says
Stephanie.. doesn’t sound “selfish” to ME!! Selfish is what people call you when you don’t do what they want…You will have so much more to give those that you love and care for when you continue to prioritize.. cheering you on, it’s a beautiful practice. xox Lisa
Jackie D. says
I seem to be a magnet for the “energy vampire” friends. Finally after my kids were born I realized that I could put them in adult time out. Take a break from them and their negative energy. It’s amazing what swapping a positive friend for a negative one can do! Great post Lisa!
Lisa says
Jackie.. absolutely.. you get to choose. And b/c you are on such a journey around lightening up, this is essential for you. Not always easy, and people won’t necessarily make you feel good about it, but it all goes together. You deserve to feel good and surround yourself with people who can mirror that back to you.. xox Lisa
Kenetha Stanton says
I love this line: “Getting rid of the weight of the world is a way of setting limits and boundaries around yourself.” I’ve never thought of this in terms of carrying weight, but now that you’ve put it that way, it seems so obvious. Setting better boundaries and saying no are clearly areas that I need to continue working on. Thanks!
Lisa says
hi Kenetha.. boundaries are everything I think.. they are about protection and safety and allow us to really then be free to love and give and express in ways that feel just right. xox
Brandy says
So, I really pushed against this exercise for a minute. I don’t WANT to make that list, I thought to myself. I’d rather dream of positivity. But then I realized, I AM carrying around an uncomfortable amount of world weight. And I just may have to let some of it go if I want to get somewhere brilliant.
And so, I’m totally going to do this. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Lisa says
Brandy.. I understand.. but in my experience it’s hard to get to the “positivity” until you really clear out the junk.. just like you wouldn’t bring in beautiful new furnishings and put them on top of old crappy stuff.. I know you get this.. go for more “glow”! xox
Meg says
Weight+Wait= Weight . Thank you for reaffirming something that I battle with, that the inner work has so much to do with my outer look and out look. That in order to lose the weight I need to deal in a steady flow with my emotions and the energy around me and not Wait b/c that waiting line of weight forms around my belly. Thank you so much the insight and obviously pushing my revelation button!
Lisa says
Love that I got to “push your revelation button” Meg!.. It’s true though.. dealing with the feelings, the energy, the stuff that’s sucking out your life force and leading to eating is where the work is.. always. Let me know how I can help, xox Lisa
Theresa | The Tarot Lady says
When I was doing a lot of caretaking for my Dad and dealing with a lot of other stress, I started eating horribly. Frappacinos every day, nightly glass of wine (or two), carbs, candy, etc. It didn’t catch up to me until all my stress ended. And then I kept the habits but had no stress to “burn it off”. One day I stepped on the scale to find I put on 20 pounds “overnight”. Truth is it took 2 years of bad habits and a lackadaisal attitude. I pondered how this happened – and realized that all the stress caused me to feel that I needed to “reward” myself. All those burdens….once they were gone…..why did I feel the need to keep “rewarding”? Well, it took me 2 years before I realized I wasn’t stressed any more.
I’ve been working hard to change my habits and it’s slowly coming off. I hope to see a sleeker me who finds rewards in simply not having a stressful life.
Lisa says
Theresa.. Us empaths are so prone to this.. we take it all one and then our bodies take it all on.. so much to say about this. But you already get it and doing it slowly and gently while minding your energy will bring you back into balance, of course. And if I can support you, I would love to.. love to you, Lisa
Claire says
Hi Lisa, I love this idea and I’m going to make a list. I’ve taken a few big steps today to lose some of my emotional weight, before I even read this post. They were hard and scary; but I do feel lighter for them.
I love your way of phrasing no, I could definitely use that and will store it in my mind for the future!
Cynthia says
I’ve just left a season where I drew the needed boundaries and let go of the weight that I needed to let go of. Best thing I’ve ever done. It allowed me to get healthy in my heart and soul. I am able to enter back into a place where I am needed in peace and contentment and do the work that I need to do.
This is good advice indeed.
Lisa says
Thanks Cynthia and good for you… beautiful..
Katelyn says
Wonderful post! Physical weight is always a reflection of other things that are weighing you down. I love this metaphor:
“Clothing that makes you feel really unattractive. These are all examples of “tolerations” that are making you feel terrible, and that are bringing down your quality of life.”
Thanks for the post
Lisa says
hi Katelyn..we know what weighs us down, we just don’t always make the connection. Once we start thinking in terms of heavy-energies and energetic weight, we can shift how we choose what we surround ourselves with.. xox Lisa
Marita Rahlenbeck says
What a great reminder, especially the sentimental part. I tend to be VERY sentimental and find it difficult to let go of family of origin stuff…Oh, my, I’m sure that could be a rabbit hole if I let it. … Now look and see what you’ve done!
Lisa says
Marita.. I say check out the rabbit hole.. might be interesting! xox
Ali Connell says
Lisa, I love the idea of tolerating list. I instantly know what I need to purge when framed this way. I realized that what has been weighing me down the most are my thoughts of the past when I was thinner. These thoughts don’t serve me in any way and only keep the shame alive. I AM working on dropping 10lbs that I’ve re-gained and working with an emotional eating coach to do so. Thank you for this!
Lisa says
Ali.. great insights.. the shame and regret about our past selves is a trap. It’s essential to come into present-time, here and now and create from those moments. I love what you’re saying and support you finding a new way to inspire yourself b/c the shame will never ever do it!! Love to you, Lisa
Sue Burness says
Every time I read something you’ve written Lisa, I feel like I’ve written it myself! I’m so in tune with your approach. Such great work you’re doing here!
Lisa says
Sue.. that makes me happy.. I am sure we have lots to share. thanks for this.. xox
Leah Shapiro says
Lisa…such great advice!
When I first went to Coaching School we did a Toleration program for 3 months. It was such a great to free up energy and create some space.
Lisa says
Hi Leah.. thanks. It’s funny b/c I don’t actually use the “tolerations” word, picked it up from somebody who was a trained “coach” and liked the concept.. xox
Michelle Pippin says
LOVE this… especially the attention to what you are TOLERATING — so revealing! =) GREAT post!
Lisa says
Michelle- thank you my friend.. glad you liked it. xox