A common theme in my work with women who are leaving behind a specific season of their life has to do with outgrowing relationships. When they notice that they are ready to take their needs for growth and expansion seriously, not everyone is going to move forward with them.
During our work together we may spend a fair amount of time in this place of who stays, who goes, and how to move through those choices while managing the self-doubt, and especially longstanding internal “voices” of self-judgment. The ones that say things like “Who do you think you are” or “What makes you think you’re better than everyone else”, or “How dare you?” in some form or another.
These voices are worth paying attention to. They represent the parts of yourself that are going to have the most clout in terms of holding you back. It’s not usually what people will actually say to you.. more what you fear they will say, what you imagine they might say, or what you are in fact saying to yourself, that stops you dead in your tracks; That keep you from expressing yourself. That stops you from getting really clear about what you want and what you don’t.. and setting boundaries in your relationships in both your personal and professional lives.
What I often see when women are at the point of moving into a new season, ready to blossom and show their true nature and beauty in ways they’ve not before, is that there is a form of a Big Cleanup that must accompany this stage. There are people that must leave your life. It’s time to make some space.
You’re changing..the inside changes are going to show up on the outside.
Sometimes it will happen organically, as in they will just not be a good match for who you are becoming and you will naturally lose interest in each other and the relationship fades out. More often it seems that the people who are the least-good fit for you, will put up a bit of a fight.
Other times, friendships that have benefited from you behaving a certain way.. giving, nurturing, supporting.. trying to help somebody change in ways you suspect would be good for them.. (many of the women I see have these relationships going on..) will try to hold onto you. And they may fight.. dirty. They have a fair amount to lose if you go. And they probably know how to say things that get you to doubt yourself.
**Note- This is another reason to consider moving on! It’s also a good reason to get support during your Big Cleanup..(I have a new membership program starting this summer.. affordable for anyone interested in making big changes in beautiful ways) because you may need help getting clear on what’s what, what’s “true”, what you have the “right” to choose.. and lots of loving permission to actually do it.
Lots of drama can ensue during these changes. It can be painful.. but done in the right way, liberating and an essential way to really hear yourself regarding what you want and expect from others in your life.
What values are part of your unwritten contracts with friends, lovers, coworkers? You get to have an active say in this. Dr. Phil is right (at least on this) when he says we teach people how to treat us. And what I know is that you will allow people to treat you in the ways that mirror places that you have unfinished business regarding what you believe you can and can’t have.
Engaging in defending your choices, or trying to change somebody’s point of view or behavior, or going back and forth in unproductive texts and emails and phone calls.. is a drain and will undermine what you know to be true.. what you intuitively know about who you want to take with you as you move forward.
This is not about relationships being “perfect”.. at all. This is about trusting your knowing about relationships that honor you, that feel loving and balanced and mutual.. and those that don’t. There will be many old belief systems that rise to the top as you sort through these choices. And spending too much time going back and forth is a painful form of addiction, and keeps you from getting clear, from stepping into a beautiful new season that will allow you to express all of who you are.
Think about what comes up for you when you consider the relationships that intuitively you know you’ve outgrown. The ones that drain you, undermine you, sabotage you.. Or the ones where you can’t be yourself, are afraid to talk about your successes or positive plans for forward motion. I would be that you know in two seconds who’s who. What keeps you tied in? Is it beliefs that you fear about yourself, or what others think of you?
Give this some thought.. as always writing it through in a journal helps you get clear and move out some emotional energy so you can become even more clear.
I want that for you.
And… if you want even more support, about relationships, about trusting and developing your intuition, about moving into new seasons of your life and more, check out the new Membership Program that we’re opening in July!! Starting at only $39 a month, you’ll get personal support and monthly themes to focus on, with a private Facebook community and more. Get the details here!
With so much love for you..