When you find yourself in cycles of loss, endings, things that take your breath away from the shock of them, the magnitude, and the impact.. how do you find your way back onto the path?
How do you pick yourself up again?
If you’re in you’ve reached midlife, are now in your forties or fifties you’ve likely experienced plenty of loss, plenty of change, and even lost people whom you’ve loved dearly. Many of you already know that my brother Sam, whom I loved deeply, died in June after a nasty swift bout with pancreatic cancer. So I have to qualify my perspective by saying I am still making my way, but there are things I have noticed that I can share with you even as this is all fresh and new.
Here are a few things that help when you are making the transition back from anything that’s broken your heart a little, shaken your confidence in a deep way, or upended your world leaving you feeling like you’re not sure how you’ll ever move forward again.
1. Start small. This seems obvious and yet people tend to do the opposite and dive into things that are just too much when they are recovering from something big. Starting small is manageable, lets you focus on something that won’t make you want to run back for cover.. and is usually the best way to gain any kind of momentum…in ways that feel comfortable and that respect where you are in space and time.
2. Reconnect with the feeling of reverence. There was a week when I read three different newsletters or blogs from three very spiritual women whom I admire, and each of them was saying essentially the same thing (of course..). Try to find the sacred in every little thing. Bless the land you live on, the pool where your exercise class is held, the air conditioner in your bedroom. For me, the easiest place to connect with reverence is outside, surrounded by the beauty of nature. And then I bless the trees, the land, Mother Earth, the orchards next door and the people who tend them, the honeybees.. the list gets long and that’s a good thing because it shifts the energy from something heavy and not so good, to something that reminds me of all the beauty and how sacred it all is, and that we are all of the Divine.. and that quality of reverence changes everything pretty darn fast. A good connection to cultivate no matter how your life is going.. reverence brings you back to loving the life you are in, without wishing for what isn’t there.
3. Make room for the grief or the loss or the transition you are in with boundaries and in specific ways, if possible. I always encourage my clients and others to “let the feelings have their say”…you deserve to have full expression and some of this may be very private when you are feeling more raw. It’s good to get support for whatever you are moving through, but essential to create space for yourself where you don’t have to dampen down the real stuff, the not-so-pretty parts of how much pain you might be in. Privacy and creating a consistent space for this really helps. It might be a time of day that you let it all wash up and over you, with tears and or a journal, or with music that evokes exactly the right vibrational match to what you’re feeling. When you have a regular reliable practice to move the energies, the painful deep and sometimes dark ones.. you will paradoxically feel better.. and have room for the rest of your life to come back to you.
4. You will probably not want to and this may be very hard for some, but if you can find a way to also move not just the emotional energy but your physical body in a regular way, you will feel better. And you will remember what you are made of and that you are alive and the God-force-life energy can flow through you and the pain can flow out of you, and this is a good thing. And if it can be outside.. even better. My daily walks into the hills of my town where the orchards are on these summer mornings have done more for my healing than almost anything else. Life loves life, and seeing the beauty of the world all around me, every day.. is sacred and renewing.
5. Come into present time.. oh this one is hard and yet it will save you. I have heard my beloved teacher Caroline Myss say so many times that in all of her work around who heals and who doesn’t, whether it’s around an illness or a life crisis, that one of the biggest things those that are able to heal have in common is their ability to surrender to coming into the present, and doing what is being asked of them right now.. To attend to the emotional and spiritual and mental pieces that are “burning them alive” right now and to sort those out.
Whatever has happened to us, the loss, the illness, the crisis, it has changed us in ways that are sometimes unimaginable. And we are wobbly and unsure of where we are going and who we will be in the midst of these changes. And that’s part of the kicker of it all. I get it.. oh I absolutely do.
Life changes us all the time. And sometimes it hurts deeply. And there are things that will help and I hope this writing has given you some ideas that, if you are in this place, will help you.
I am in the midst of offering “Love and Service” Sessions in honor of my new project, The Wise Woman Council. I am limiting these to 11 in September, they are complimentary and are extended one-on-one private phone consultation sessions with me. If you are interested in claiming one of the spaces for September, please email me at Lisa at IntuitiveBody dot com.
With love and every blessing…