One of the themes in my work with clients is the nature of “protection”. Protection is a lens through which you determine what relationships, behavioral patterns, may be harming you. It’s a way of taking yourself and your needs seriously, as opposed to putting yourself at the bottom of the list, and not addressing patterns and relationships that may trigger some of the addictive behaviors that I help clients change.
Everything changes when you make the decision to take yourself seriously, take the pain you are in seriously, and make choices that protect you.
When you start to see that certain choices compromise your balance and way of holding yourself in the world, including self-judgment that is demoralizing.. without being ready to shift these, you will suffer.
When I talk to prospective clients, or women that are new to my practice in the beginning of our work together, they usually tell me that they have known for a long time where they have NOT been protecting themselves. They have heard their intuitive voices and the guidance for a while and yet not known how to take action.
And, there is great ambivalence about the decision to dive into these murky waters and disrupt some of these patterns. Oh yes.. great big huge ambivalence.
When I interview women about potentially working with me, I know very well that often what their decision to say “yes” or “no” hinges on, whether it swims up into their consciousness or not, is knowing this is the kind of work that can shake things up.. marriages, relationships with mothers and friends, ways of being in one’s work and more.
Protecting oneself has lots to do with creating proper boundaries and setting limits. Telling the truth, in ways that are appropriate, versus losing it or going into blame, or regressing into archetypal patterns like Victim or Wounded Child or others.
Protecting yourself means getting enough sleep, eating the foods that are right for your body no matter what the latest hip food guru says, and parenting in ways that let you feel right in the world. Protecting yourself is also about helping you put the past to rest so you can live in present-time.
Protection is a big word, and it means many things. And it’s completely personal and customizable.. that’s the only way it has any meaning and the only way I work, of course.
And learning how to create it in ways that are just-right for you is best done with support.
If you think you might like some, I am offering more “Love and Service” sessions.. but only 11 this month, in honor of The Wise Woman Council’s second beautiful month. Email me for details if you are interested.. Spaces are filling.
Wishing you love and every blessing,
Bri Saussy says
Gorgeous Lisa-protection has been circling around me lately with respect to my clients so this post came at a wonderful time. When I think of protection I immediately think of talismans and magical formulas but of course the first step in sincere protection is recognizing WHY you need it-beautifully said.
Lisa says
Bri.. my beautiful Wise Woman.. I love talismans too, but this is more literal and practical.. and for those of us in the healing professions even more essential. Glad it made sense for you.. Much love.. Lisa
Jessica says
Protection for me lately centers mostly around protecting priorities — keeping space for what’s really important to me (my family) and stopping everything else from infringing on that. Great post, again! xoxo
Lisa says
Oh Jessica, thank you as always.. holding space and those protective boundaries is just right.. You get to choose.. people will usually respect the borders once you have made a clear decision. Love to you, Lisa
Meg says
So true… almost every morning I go into the office (we work with a lot of ill people and my partner has a bad habit of energy sucking the life out of me) I do some blucking and chakra protection and mindset prep…today I wasn’t supposed to see clients or her didn’t do it…big mistake….lol…well hopefully I learned my lesson
Lisa says
Meg.. you definitely need to put even more protection in place before during and after if you work with a population that’s extra-draining.. even just paying attention to the basics (sleep, food, less computer time etc) will help keep you from getting too drained energetically. Then after work find ways to fill back up in ways that feel good.. Depletion and burn out are real when we are in service/healing professions..it’s energetic unless we have good protection /..physical and energetic in place.. Love to you.. Lisa
Hilary Parry | Tarot by Hilary says
This post is absolutely in keeping with the boundary issues raised during the blue moon. I agree with Bri and with you: The “why” is the most important part of all of it. If you don’t have the reasoning behind the why, then any plan of protection going forward won’t stick. The why is the foundation on which proper ways of protection can be built.
Lisa says
Thanks Hilary.. interesting about the correlation with the Blue Moon.. didn’t know that, wish I knew more. And yes, the why is probably the most important in getting lots of things to ‘stick’.. finding the personal motivation that gives things meaning changes how it all feels.. love to you- Lisa
Katelyn Mariah says
So true, Lisa. I find this especially true of women. Boundaries was always a topic in sessions when I was a psychologist. We are not taught how to set them or maintain them.
I found it interesting when you said “And, there is great ambivalence about the decision to dive into these murky waters and disrupt some of these patterns. Oh yes.. great big huge ambivalence.” I often found that it was more comfortable being in discomfort than diving into the unknown and trying something new, be it setting boundaries, asking for what you need or just being yourself. Great post!
Lisa says
Hi Katelyn..women are not exactly applauded for being powerful or putting boundaries that interfere with giving and more giivng.. so yeah. And we know it.. and other women who aren’t ready to stop those patterns often pressure us to stay with the pack as misery can love company. But it serves nobody to be drained miserable, resentful or unwell. Obviously.. boundaries, staying filled up. being true to yourself.. all so basic but not easy for many of us. love to you.. Lisa
Karen Ribeiro says
This lovely reminder has me reflecting on the nature of journal writing. I published the Inner Fortune journal 5 years ago thinking people would use the tool and transform their pain. Introspection is often not that simple, especially when one needs to transform their relationship to the supports in their life. An objective friend or coach helps give that extra protection!
Lisa says
Hi Karen- True, we can’t often give ourselves permission to change the patterns that feel risky to us, that will disrupt relationships and possibly create upset around us. That’s why I like calling it “protection” because it helps women take their needs more seriously.. Love to you..
Julie Geigle says
I’ve been doing a lot of work around self forgiveness and always find it interesting that our limiting beliefs stem from a subconscious desire to protect ourselves. I think this is the reason so many of us are resistant to change (I hate change and unpredictability), because somewhere in our subconscious mind change is associated with pain. So the key for me is to learn new ways of protecting myself that help me grow and expand instead of limit and block my potential. BTW…thanks for having commentluv. ♥
Lisa says
Hi Julie- do i have commentluv? I don’t even know what I have..honestly. So yes change and protection are all tied together but just making that conscious will start to shift it more easily I believe.. especially for you because you are so intuitive. Protection can be the tiniest thing.. like going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Love to you, Lisa
Amanda Krill says
Oh my – I know how all intuitive you are – and I know you are writing this to me!
Well, maybe not purposely (or maybe you are), but this is exactly exactly exactly one of the major things I struggle with.
I stay up too late, I get up too early. I put work ahead of exercise. I throw something in my mouth without even really tasting it. The only thing I’ve been doing right lately is cutting off work to spend specific time with the kids. Oh, and being gluten-free in spite of the ridicule I get for it. (I live in Hicksville, people here don’t get it…)
I’m firmly committed to protecting me from this moment forward.
Thank you, from the deepest depths of my soul for inadvertently calling me out. Love you!
Lisa says
Oh Amanda, you know I love you and although you may think you have miles to go on this, I think that the gluten-free thing (happy one year anniversary, it’s such a big deal, especially if people around you are so unsupportive) alone is a very big way of protecting yourself and takes a lot of energy. Sometimes doing one really big protective shift like that means you can’t make a lot of other changes and shouldn’t try- because it would threaten the success of the change you are working on. And that is a big important point.. Timing is everything. So now that you are steady on the gluten-free, pick something else that would really make a difference if you changed it. I know for sure slow and steady wins the race.. no doubt in my mind and I wish I had added this to my post that these changes are not meant to be made all at once.. ever.
It’s about getting solid with one or two and then adding another one and getting solid there.. Momentum comes and then slowly but surely you are in a very solid new place.
I know you will get this, and I’m glad that this spoke to you but this caveat is the most important piece and essential to weave into the mix.
Love you and cheering you on… Lisa
amy zellmer says
I really need to be better at protecting myself. I am very susceptible to other people’s energies and need to learn to put up my bubble so that I am not affected. Thank you!
Lisa says
Hi Amy- I suspect from reading some of your other comments that you are definitely an empath/sensitive and do pick up other peoples’ energies/emotions easily and so protection becomes really important in terms of real boundaries and energetic boundaries.. If you need more ideas, would love to do an Illumination Round with you sometime.. they are complimentary and I’d love to support you. Love, lisa
Sue Burness says
Oh yes, this is the kind of work that can “shake things up”! Shake it !!
Lisa says
Sue… laughing.. but actually it’s also the kind of work that can quiet things down.. and bring a lot of peace and wellbeing once in place. Protective boundaries quiets the chaos inside and out, as you know and that for me is much of the point in our overstimulating lives. Love to you… Lisa
Share says
Oh wow. I do tend to fall into areas where I am not protecting myself. Primarily, not enough sleep. And also… I tend to leave the food up to my hubby instead of taking care of myself (and us) in that department.
Thanks for waking me up and shaking me up a bit here.
Lisa says
Hi Share…we all have places.. God knows. And the sleep thing can really wreak havoc on us chemically/hormonally so that can undermine all of the other good that we are trying to put in place.. Ever since my sons were born (18 and 20 yrs ago!) I got crazy protective of my sleep.. harder now at 55 now that my body is changing but I try. Any changes need to be made really gently and from a place of love and inspiration .. never from negative judgment.. that’s a note to anyone who is reading this.. Love to you Share.. your husband sounds like a great guy… Lisa
atm madden says
When we talk about energy vampires are we really talking about the people and things that we allow to control our lives.
I hate that sinking feeling when I know that it has happened again that someone is controlling me to feel better about themselves i.e get their fix of release of tension.
It is hard to protect oneself from that.
Happy to hear form others